more grammies

more advice for brenda this time from experienced grammie pat:

The wisest woman I ever had the joy of being "mentored:" by was my next door neighbor in NJ -- (guess i'd best not blog her name).   She was about our age when we moved in, so retired from school teaching shortly thereafter.  She had raised 8 children......2 adopted since her first husband had a pelvic cancer and 6 step kids since Paul's (her second husband) first wife had died of breast cancer. Over the 22 years we lived there she had many grandchildren.  The great grandchildren came after we moved away, but we talked often until she died shortly after my husband did and her "rules" still seemed to work.  I actually visited her in the hospital a few weeks before she died and when the nurse asked her if I was one of her children, she said not by blood, or paperwork, but by love.  It was one of the loveliest compliments I've ever received.

In addition to living her life by the two greatest Biblical commandments, she had her own two:  give no advice unless specifically asked for it; and in choosing what to really worry about, first decide if in the name of all eternity, will it really matter?   I paid strict attention over all those cups of coffee at her kitchen table and have tried to live my life by those same 4.  Doesn't mean it will always be smooth sailing or that the inside of your mouth won't have a huge sore from biting it.......but there is a lot to be said for peace. pat

the grammies

brenda is a grandmother! she asked for advice via email from far-flung friends.

last year when candy had a new grandchild she wrote this:

My newest grandchild is being born today!  His mother is laboring to deliver him, and it’s hard work I know, but he has no idea what is going on.  So when I have held each of my children and grandchildren for the first time after birth I have told them how brave they are, and courageous like super heroes, to be born. And how much fun they will have in this new world, and it has always amazed me that they seem to understand, even though they don’t know the words I’m saying, and they settle in my arms with a newborn smile, as if to say “You haven’t seen anything yet”. And they’re right- I haven’t

candy's message to brenda's new grandchild:
Welcome to Lydia, a brave and valiant girl who fought hard to be born and is a beautiful precious baby who is so lucky to have such a brave and valiant mother and grandmother. God bless you all!

and candy's advice for new grammie brenda:
What I have learned from grandmothering is that the greatest joy for the grandchildren is that they get to boss you around, sort of like the dog, and that you will still always love them for it- it's actually very entertaining for them, since they have so few people to boss around, and they know that you are a VIP by way of being their parent's parent, so that makes it all the more fun for them. Oh, and as far as stepping in to give your children advice- forget about it. Just concentrate on being Grammie (i.e., relating to your grandchild one on one) and let them do the parenting. If they ask for advice, then tell them what you would do, but if they don't ask, don't tell.